Few parents have to go to court to win parental rights. Parentage is assumed for almost everyone—but if your kids are carried by a gestational surrogate, a judge has to grant you custody. But we did. We wanted our judge to grant at-birth custody to three fathers—me and my two partners, Alan and Jeremy—something that had never been done anywhere in the world. We faced real hurdles since neither of us had a uterus. Then we met Jeremy. The three of us began dating, became a family, and combined our homes into one. Jeremy pushed us to imagine the joy kids would bring and to make parenting a reality. Of course, the women in our lives Gay Boy Old Love Tumblr it all possible. Friends Julie and Stephanie offered us unused embryos from their IVF family efforts. Meghan offered to go through egg harvesting. Then a team of lawyers labored over all the contracts and family plans needed to move ahead with surrogacy. After all the legal hurdles, right before our planned implantation, our surrogacy doctor torpedoed all of Gay Boy Old Love Tumblr plans. Something else was afoot, something that felt related to our being three dads—and we scrambled for another doctor as our scheduled implantation date rapidly approached. Our new doctor, thankfully, supported us completely. He prepared Delilah for pregnancy, implanted our embryo, and managed some scary complications to get us to the third trimester. We asked the court to make a polyamorous family the legal parents of a child for the first time. At first, the judge kindly explained that while she presided over Superior Court, hers was still a lower court, and she was in no position to set precedent. She had to follow existing law. And California law said extra parents could be added to a birth certificate only when not having the extra caregiver as a legal parent presented a serious detriment to the child. How could our lawyers convince the judge to break with precedent and permit us to be parents when our child had yet to be created? My heart sank as I saw our plans slipping away. Then Alan went full mama bear. He interrupted the court proceedings, poking our attorney, insisting on speaking. He addressed the judge when she noticed and asked her to swear us all in. There have been three parent families before—as when a lesbian couple added a sperm donor friend as a parent when the kid was old enough to understand, or when a dying mother retained parental rights while her child underwent adoption by a couple before she died. But no court anywhere had ever recognized a polyamorous family as the legal parents of a child at birth until that day. We became the first because my partner insisted. Her pronouncement of our parentage felt like the joyous climax of a tense legal drama. Judges all over the West Coast have heard our story, and unique loving family arrangements are now an option for others, too. We received his polyamorous-gay family birth certificate—the second ever—with no trouble or drama whatsoever. Love makes a family, and love is what makes our family a wonderful home for our children. Love, our wonderful families, our accepting friends and community—and a little assistance from a California court. As a closeted teen, Ian Jenkins wondered if he would ever fall in love or be able to live openly with a male partner. Years later, he had not one but two partners in a polyamorous Throuple, and the support of family, friends, and coworkers. But something was still missing. Along the way, they faced IVF failures, the threat of Zika virus, a battle at their clinic that forced them into an urgent hunt for a new doctor, pregnancy-threatening bleeds, costly legal battles and a reluctant superior court judge. Ultimately the grace of women—embryo donors, their egg donor, their surrogate, even a surprise milk donor—allowed them to complete their family with one perfect girl. And in fighting for their family, they set a legal precedent, and became the first polyamorous family ever named as the legal parents of a child. Read the whole story in his new book Three Dads and a Baby: Adventures in Modern Parentingwhich comes out in March. Follow Ian and his family on Instagram. Your Name required. Your Email required. Your Website optional. Don't subscribe All new comments Replies to my comments Notify me by email of follow-up comments.
Three Dads and a Baby
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